AutoTroll

the World Leader in
slow-loading ENTER buttons,
broken links,
and animated "under construction" signs

If you've been to the websites of many of the world's biggest and most successful corporations, it's immediately obvious that they have quite a few things in common:

In these highly competitive times, few companies are satisfied any more with an ordinary "enter" button; an opening screen that loads in under a minute, merely provides useful information and easily navigated categories practically cries out: "amateur!" Many of these "old-fashioned" ENTER screens fail to exploit the latest graphical plug-in technologies, making them work under all browsers and not even crash software platforms and versions other than the one it was originally developed on.

Today's sophisticated websurfer demands exciting and state-of-the-art animated "ENTER" graphics; multi-megabyte self-installing add-on software that reconfigures systems, adding many new features while disabling yesterday's boring, old functions and programs; and high-tech pop-up interfaces that dazzle and delight the browser with all manner of animated banners, surveys, and nearly free limited-time offers, all working together to make every web surfer's visit to your site an unforgettable emotional experience!

In the weeks to come, we hope to highlight some of the most outstanding examples of state-of-the-art website design that best demonstrates the qualities outlined above, whether they used our products and services to build their site or were stupid enough to hire some inferior web design firm that's probably still using last month's version of whatever browser they're designing for.


the AUTOTROLL web-design principles:


  • Size - "Bigger is Always Better"; when in doubt, add animations, flash graphics, backgrounds, javascripts, plug-ins. If still in doubt, add ninjas!
  • Under Construction - showcase exciting, international "Under Construction" signs!
  • Coming Soon - highlight exciting features that will be "Coming Soon"!
  • Kreativity - use Kreative spelling and design to fool search engines!

Place these principles firmly in your mind and, soon enough, your website will literally "suck" potential customers and clients in like never before!


AUTOTROLL - the leader in creating websites that "SUCK"!